Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Think umbrellas are as safe as it gets? Think again, bitches.
Continue reading this post, and it might just safe your life someday. For I am here after a close shave with death, yet again, to bring you the latest updates on everyday objects which may just about kill you. And this time, you get to thank your lucky stars that I share an intimate relationship with umbrellas of all shapes, colours, sizes and uses. In fact, I think the Umbrella Union is so pissed at me for insulting one of them in my previous post some time ago, which you can read
here, that it had attempted to assassinate me! Mahmat.
Anyway, here, my friends, is what seems to be a perfectly safe-to-use everyday umbrella.
But what happens then, if the tip breaks off like this?
Orhor! See! Innocent looking umbrellas not that innocent anymore right!? Tsk tsk. Tell yous already! And you know what? Theres more! Yes, more!
You now know how dangerous it is right? Stab someone with this and he may die from the wound, if not from humiliation! Imagine when people find out that his death was caused by an umbrella!
Okay, ANYWAY, as I was going to say. You dont even have to make the effort to stab people with it! The spring system which which is part of the umbrella will do all the dirty work for you! If the court accuses you of stabbing somebody, you can deny it! Dumbass, your hand didnt even move! The spring stabbed the poor guy who died, so its not your fault!
Amazing, isnt it!? Just break of the handle when the umbrella is still closed, release the hatch, and voila! The weapon works like bow and arrows!
Okay, maybe not that guy, since he's already dead.
On a side note, ZOMG! I just spent 3 hours with my eyes glued to the screen doing that animation and it turned out crappy! Mike..
Anyway, omgoodnessme. Enlightenment has just descended upon me! I have uncovered the greatest conspiracy in the whole of Singapore's history since independence! The government is secretly arming every citizen with a weapon concealed in the form of everyday umbrellas! So fellow Singaporeans, should the need arise in times of war, you know what to do! Defend yourself with those umbrellas of yours, for goodness sake!
"Meleanie Hain's Pennsylvania concealed-weapons permit was revoked in September after spectators complained about her openly carrying her loaded, holstered Glock at her 5-year-old daughter's soccer game. However, the only penalty under state law is the loss of the privilege of concealment, so that if Hain continues to carry the gun, she must do so openly."
Alone in darkness at
8:49 PM
